Outtake from the last week shoot w/ Jen Painter.
I want to tell you a story about ownership.
I went to see Mary Lambert play at Subculture last Saturday, and it shook me. This girl has some balls. She described herself on stage as “Queer, Bipolar, a Survivor and a Poet”. I’m a pretty open person, but I was a bit taken aback. THEN she told us she just signed with Capitol Records (major label + spoken word = whaaat?). My instinct was to compare myself, as I often do with other artists. Don’t compare, identify. Embrace, my gut told me.
Then her voice kicked in. Everything else faded. She played so beautifully, it brought me back into the moment of life and made me appreciate every broken heart, every lover, and made me want to feel every experience fully. And I got it.
She owned it. She owned all of her imperfections and it made me love mine. Suddenly it seemed INSANE to me that I would second-guess my power. Worry about some photo shoot, hate my size 6/8/16 jeans. There’ve been so many sizes and so many hours whittled away punishing myself.
Her art shined through. Never mind that - it was her spirit. It was God.
It’s all a process of pulling back the layers. Peeling back every piece that’s stopping me from revealing myself to the world. When I do that I can help. Other women. To love themselves. Our imperfections.
There are two kinds of energies I experience. Light, and dark.
The dark comes when somebody tells me how to do my job. How to make my art.More upbeat songs, no time changes, don’t play the sad stuff. It makes me want to stuff my voice down into my throat and go on a diet.
The light energy comes from filling the well. From reading a beautiful sentence or getting an email from someone whose been inspired by my music. There was light bursting from all ends of the stage Saturday night. It took me back to high school, to reciting spoken word bravely and proudly in a tiny cafe in Laredo and just fucking OWNING every last word. I don’t ever want to stop being that girl.
Life is so amazing. It is so, so, incredible. Poetic justice thrives. It’s on the horizon. I saw it Saturday night.
I want to be a part of it.
Mary Lambert at SubCulture, November 16, 2013