"See her arms? How she moves like a Goddess?”
Joseph, my 65-year-old Dominican salsa partner was pointing out one of the seasoned Latin dancers on the ballroom dance floor. She moved so beautifully, hips swaying side to side, arms out like a flamenco dancer. It was HOT.
But when Joseph took me out, I stiffened up. He looked at me and told me I was there to be gorgeous, to be sexy. And I was terrified if I did much more than sway my hips, he’d think I was coming onto him. Or I would look stupid.
Most of all, I felt like my sensuality was a threat. So I kept myself small, still watching the gorgeous salsa dancer out of the corner of my eye.
I went home that night and wrote in my journal about how I felt like I’d lost that feminine, sexual side of myself. Being a tough musician and running with the boys had made me feel like I had to prove I wasn't using sexuality to gain an upper hand. I was afraid my bandmates would say I was prying for attention behind my back. So I dulled myself down.
I didn’t think singer-songwriters were allowed to be sexy. I also grew up in the south, in a pretty conservative Christian household.
So whether or not I was aware of it, I conformed to the idea of what I was taught a "proper lady" did. I felt I had to apologize for swearing on stage or playing racier songs. I barely ever talked about sexuality, or my desire to express it. I NEVER wore low-cut tops or skin-tight clothes. I’d always been told I couldn’t - not if I wanted to be taken seriously.
Truth is, I kind of missed the part of myself that loved throwing on a short skirt, a hot pair of heels, and spend half the night dancing. Between AA meetings, working on my music, inhaling coffee and chasing after 5-year-olds, I lost pretty much all drive to do any of that. I thought since I’d gotten sober, my sexy nights in da' club were over and done with. And then, I found Mama Gena.
Five months ago, a friend turned me onto Mama Gena's “School of the Womanly Arts" - a five month program that gives women the tools to lead a pleasure-filled life. I walked up to her seminar, a room draped with pink feather boas and rose petals, and decided she was insane. I almost left. I thought: I’m a musician. I don’t DO pink.
But something about stepping foot in that room made me feel alive again. I was surrounded by 800 women being totally open and vulnerable; together we danced, cried, and screamed like crazy people (my personal favorite).
The School of The Womanly Arts teaches women to use the power of desire, not effort, to attain their goals. Mama Gena believes women are the 'greatest untapped natural resource in the world.'
Basically, when a woman is happy, everyone is happy. What attracted me to her was her no-holds barred passion - and well, it looked fucking fun. She rocked the stage in fabulous designer heels, sparkly pink dresses, and dropped f-bombs. She was, in essence, everything I want to be in life. I wanted what she had. So after enrolling in the school, I started a series of tiny experiments: I began dressing up every day for work.
Even when I left for the gym, I left wearing something that made me feel beautiful. Funny thing happened: I started getting hit on on the subway. Instead of wearing sweatpants to babysitting, I threw on a dress instead, and all of the sudden the doorman at my boss’s building started to remember my name. Sure, I looked nicer, but the main difference was in how I felt. I carried myself like a woman who was worth the time and care it took to get dressed up in the morning, not the stressed-out starving artist hustling to make rent. I smiled and looked people in the eye with confidence.
I dressed up every day like the woman I wanted to become.
Second came my desires. I walked into Mama Gena’s with a healthy list of goals: Increase income by X amount. Sell-out X room. Finish album by X date. I knew deep down I’d put a glass ceiling on how much I could ask of the world.
I listened as other women listed off desires for six-figure books deals and legendary love affairs and I thought BAH! Poor things! They don’t even know they’re insane! Truth is, I was jealous of them.
It’s easy to stay small and ask for crumbs. It takes balls to admit you want something so big and so grand. So, I started a running list of my desires. Career, dating, personal desires. Then, the funny coincidences started up.
The guy I was dating told me he’d been wanting to take me to tango lessons. Another bought expensive tickets to a show I’d been secretly dying to catch. I felt like a magician. It made perfect sense. I was playing an active role in manifesting my desires, but it wasn’t hocus-pocus.
The first step in realizing my desires was finding the courage to acknowledge and communicate I wanted them at all. THEN, I had to be willing to receive them. One of my biggest desires was to take a class in the spring that I just didn’t have the money for. I wanted it so badly I wrote it in my journal, shared it with my girlfriends, the works. Sure enough, a week before the class started - the professor blind sighted me and out of nowhere, gave me a scholarship into the class.
My mind. was blown. Here’s the thing: when I got real with myself and started admitting that I had these big, grand-ass desires, I started looking for evidence that they were coming true. So with confidence, I picked up the phone and talked to my professor. I agreed to go out on the date with that guy. I showed up with the faith that the Universe would hold up its end of the deal. And it did. Finally came my relationships.
Walking into Mama Gena’s, I was also a bit of a lone-ranger in the girlfriend department. I work in a male-dominated industry. Shit, most of us do. The point is, in my adult life I’ve never had a group of girlfriends, and secretly hated those that did. I’d been burned and backstabbed by groups of women. I thought women were “high-drama” and ""high-maintenance."" And I am a women. Mama Gena stuck me in a room of 300 women FULL of feelings. As I listened to their stories over the four months, I grew to love and appreciate every single one of them. I saw parts of myself in each of them.
As self-hatred melted into self-love, I started appreciating my relationships with other women, too. Each one of them felt like a sister. We held each other up, comforted, encouraged, listened, danced. I started spending my weekends with women. Going to burlesque classes and dinner parties. Talking about our great loves, great careers, great desires. My sisters came to shows and cheered louder than anybody in the audience. They held me when I cried and cheered on my biggest victories. Then they encouraged me to go even higher. They saw the best parts of me when I couldn’t see them in myself. I’ve realized that as women, we cannot thrive in isolation. It’s just not any fun.
There is so much love to go around - so much we can do for one another. In May, I graduated from Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts. The day before graduation, I hopped on stage in my little red dress with two gorgeous backing vocalists and one hot backup dancer to perform for 300 of my sisters. I’d had this secret desire to expand my show into a sexy, fun performance - and with the help of my band and a few girlfriends, we made it happen. I stretched the idea of what I thought my show was supposed to look like, and in the end, we got a standing ovation. It was a big lesson to me.
Always show up as the woman I want to be. Let my crazy-ass desires lead the way. And make sure to bring my girlfriends along for the ride. Is there a woman in your life who has taken you higher? Then I encourage you to try this tiny experiment: send her a tiny note, text or phone call of gratitude. Notice how celebrating her greatness makes you feel.
PS. A HUGE thanks for everyone who made it to the webshow on Concert Window! I'm so appreciative of all of you who tuned in to hear me a bunch material for the new album; your feedback was amazing!
Joseph, my 65-year-old Dominican salsa partner was pointing out one of the seasoned Latin dancers on the ballroom dance floor. She moved so beautifully, hips swaying side to side, arms out like a flamenco dancer. It was HOT.
But when Joseph took me out, I stiffened up. He looked at me and told me I was there to be gorgeous, to be sexy. And I was terrified if I did much more than sway my hips, he’d think I was coming onto him. Or I would look stupid.
Most of all, I felt like my sensuality was a threat. So I kept myself small, still watching the gorgeous salsa dancer out of the corner of my eye.
I went home that night and wrote in my journal about how I felt like I’d lost that feminine, sexual side of myself. Being a tough musician and running with the boys had made me feel like I had to prove I wasn't using sexuality to gain an upper hand. I was afraid my bandmates would say I was prying for attention behind my back. So I dulled myself down.
I didn’t think singer-songwriters were allowed to be sexy. I also grew up in the south, in a pretty conservative Christian household.
So whether or not I was aware of it, I conformed to the idea of what I was taught a "proper lady" did. I felt I had to apologize for swearing on stage or playing racier songs. I barely ever talked about sexuality, or my desire to express it. I NEVER wore low-cut tops or skin-tight clothes. I’d always been told I couldn’t - not if I wanted to be taken seriously.
Truth is, I kind of missed the part of myself that loved throwing on a short skirt, a hot pair of heels, and spend half the night dancing. Between AA meetings, working on my music, inhaling coffee and chasing after 5-year-olds, I lost pretty much all drive to do any of that. I thought since I’d gotten sober, my sexy nights in da' club were over and done with. And then, I found Mama Gena.
Five months ago, a friend turned me onto Mama Gena's “School of the Womanly Arts" - a five month program that gives women the tools to lead a pleasure-filled life. I walked up to her seminar, a room draped with pink feather boas and rose petals, and decided she was insane. I almost left. I thought: I’m a musician. I don’t DO pink.
But something about stepping foot in that room made me feel alive again. I was surrounded by 800 women being totally open and vulnerable; together we danced, cried, and screamed like crazy people (my personal favorite).
The School of The Womanly Arts teaches women to use the power of desire, not effort, to attain their goals. Mama Gena believes women are the 'greatest untapped natural resource in the world.'
Basically, when a woman is happy, everyone is happy. What attracted me to her was her no-holds barred passion - and well, it looked fucking fun. She rocked the stage in fabulous designer heels, sparkly pink dresses, and dropped f-bombs. She was, in essence, everything I want to be in life. I wanted what she had. So after enrolling in the school, I started a series of tiny experiments: I began dressing up every day for work.
Even when I left for the gym, I left wearing something that made me feel beautiful. Funny thing happened: I started getting hit on on the subway. Instead of wearing sweatpants to babysitting, I threw on a dress instead, and all of the sudden the doorman at my boss’s building started to remember my name. Sure, I looked nicer, but the main difference was in how I felt. I carried myself like a woman who was worth the time and care it took to get dressed up in the morning, not the stressed-out starving artist hustling to make rent. I smiled and looked people in the eye with confidence.
I dressed up every day like the woman I wanted to become.
Second came my desires. I walked into Mama Gena’s with a healthy list of goals: Increase income by X amount. Sell-out X room. Finish album by X date. I knew deep down I’d put a glass ceiling on how much I could ask of the world.
I listened as other women listed off desires for six-figure books deals and legendary love affairs and I thought BAH! Poor things! They don’t even know they’re insane! Truth is, I was jealous of them.
It’s easy to stay small and ask for crumbs. It takes balls to admit you want something so big and so grand. So, I started a running list of my desires. Career, dating, personal desires. Then, the funny coincidences started up.
The guy I was dating told me he’d been wanting to take me to tango lessons. Another bought expensive tickets to a show I’d been secretly dying to catch. I felt like a magician. It made perfect sense. I was playing an active role in manifesting my desires, but it wasn’t hocus-pocus.
The first step in realizing my desires was finding the courage to acknowledge and communicate I wanted them at all. THEN, I had to be willing to receive them. One of my biggest desires was to take a class in the spring that I just didn’t have the money for. I wanted it so badly I wrote it in my journal, shared it with my girlfriends, the works. Sure enough, a week before the class started - the professor blind sighted me and out of nowhere, gave me a scholarship into the class.
My mind. was blown. Here’s the thing: when I got real with myself and started admitting that I had these big, grand-ass desires, I started looking for evidence that they were coming true. So with confidence, I picked up the phone and talked to my professor. I agreed to go out on the date with that guy. I showed up with the faith that the Universe would hold up its end of the deal. And it did. Finally came my relationships.
Walking into Mama Gena’s, I was also a bit of a lone-ranger in the girlfriend department. I work in a male-dominated industry. Shit, most of us do. The point is, in my adult life I’ve never had a group of girlfriends, and secretly hated those that did. I’d been burned and backstabbed by groups of women. I thought women were “high-drama” and ""high-maintenance."" And I am a women. Mama Gena stuck me in a room of 300 women FULL of feelings. As I listened to their stories over the four months, I grew to love and appreciate every single one of them. I saw parts of myself in each of them.
As self-hatred melted into self-love, I started appreciating my relationships with other women, too. Each one of them felt like a sister. We held each other up, comforted, encouraged, listened, danced. I started spending my weekends with women. Going to burlesque classes and dinner parties. Talking about our great loves, great careers, great desires. My sisters came to shows and cheered louder than anybody in the audience. They held me when I cried and cheered on my biggest victories. Then they encouraged me to go even higher. They saw the best parts of me when I couldn’t see them in myself. I’ve realized that as women, we cannot thrive in isolation. It’s just not any fun.
There is so much love to go around - so much we can do for one another. In May, I graduated from Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts. The day before graduation, I hopped on stage in my little red dress with two gorgeous backing vocalists and one hot backup dancer to perform for 300 of my sisters. I’d had this secret desire to expand my show into a sexy, fun performance - and with the help of my band and a few girlfriends, we made it happen. I stretched the idea of what I thought my show was supposed to look like, and in the end, we got a standing ovation. It was a big lesson to me.
Always show up as the woman I want to be. Let my crazy-ass desires lead the way. And make sure to bring my girlfriends along for the ride. Is there a woman in your life who has taken you higher? Then I encourage you to try this tiny experiment: send her a tiny note, text or phone call of gratitude. Notice how celebrating her greatness makes you feel.
PS. A HUGE thanks for everyone who made it to the webshow on Concert Window! I'm so appreciative of all of you who tuned in to hear me a bunch material for the new album; your feedback was amazing!